Movement
Five? What happened to only 1?
Grad school at CIIS was a trip – not only did I have to contend with living in a big city for the first time and commuting on BART, I had to learn to immerse myself in a group of mostly women. Yikes! Yes, lots of drama ensued, plus my own responses to group process. The 2nd semester, back in early 2004, I found a local practitioner Jamie, who offered classes on movement therapy for gay men (click here for more info on that – yes, he is still teaching!!). It was a very comfortable atmosphere, meeting other gay men who wanted to learn about themselves non-verbally in movement – wow, a whole new world opened up to me – my body as resource. This was whole new concept, and an excellent panacea to the stress and confusion of grad school. Instead of trusting school-mates and doing process work with them (clearly there were some emotionally mercurial people – read: roller coaster ride) I learned to trust myself. This was huge for me!
Jamie, the kind and gentle man that he is, introduced us to the 5 Elements in Somatic Expression: movement, sounds (not words), breath, touch or contact, and stillness. I went on to study with this man for the next 3 years, discovering how to be in my body, and with others, in a new, more grounded way. These trainings, along with a number of different modalities became the groundwork for Sensory Energetics, especially the Puppy Intro.
I got to thinking the other day that these 5 elements are essential to a good erotic play session. Let’s look at each one:
Movement – some men grew up in a crowded household with no privacy to explore their erotic body so they “learned” to be quiet, to be very still to experience their pleasure. Another scenario could be an emotionally repressive or even scary household (Mom or Dad has a psychopathology like bipolar or borderline personality disorder, or alcoholism or drug use).
These patterns are set in place and become the groundwork for later adulthood erotic expressions. NOT GOOD! There needs to be a certain abandonment to the moment in sex play, a sense of NOT knowing what is coming next, of having fun, getting wild, of moving your body in ways you would never think of doing.
Sounds – making sounds helps us to self-regulate, calms us down when we become stirred up or triggered and during sex can really amp up the energy of the session or greatly prolong the plateau phase. A good example of prolonging would be the classic tantra pose (one seated with the other in their lap facing each other, while the one on bottom has their cock inside the one on top). Here we would be breathing opposite each other making sounds on the exhale, getting the vocalization to vibrate in your body. Later as we approach the big “O,” we would begin breathing together and making sounds.
As for how we learn this, see above in Movement. I am always amazed at how some men have an orgasm and there is absolutely NO sounds whatsoever. If I did not see the ejaculation, I would never had known anything happened to them.
Breath – Yes, very important Little Grasshopper! We learn how to breath shallowly most often from trauma, growing up in a volatile household with lots of beatings or yelling, more common than you’d think. Try and remember the last time you felt shock – most likely you took a gasp, a short sharp inhale, sometimes even holding your breath. This expression then becomes reified. In fact, the diaphragm supports this by developing musculature, further cementing the expression in place. Another way we could become shallow breathers is from grief or sadness, usually residing in our upper chest. A good erotic play session includes ALL of who we are including our breath – remember, you are an athlete.
Touch – Sex is a contact sport, despite what I’ve seen in various places around SF! It’s so odd to me seeing men having sex where there is only genital contact and nothing else. When I am playing erotically, I want to get to know every inch of my partner’s body, every sensitive spot, every smell. I want to explore his sweat, to lick his eye lids (try this!!), and to bite his ears.
Stillness – A necessary part of every play session, sometimes at the beginning, middle and most often at the end. We can never appreciate movement unless we have stillness, the contrast is what makes the movement all the more sweeter. There is much to be learned from stillness – ask any meditator, a return to homeostasis and balance.
I often wonder why men settle for less than a full-on sporting event in the bedroom. Sadly, quick expressions of erotic life seem to be the norm. So grasshoppers, teach others what you’ve learned in the class, demand more time with your partner, more contact, more breathing, and take in more life!
Let’s get down to the basics – Yum! Good!! Part 2
The founder of Diamond Heart work, AH Almaas writes, “Sexuality is a part of our basic nature. It is true acceptance and integration of our bodies and genitals; it is free and unconflicted Presence in our pelvis. It is our being, our Essence, allowed to exist and flow in our pelvis, to engorge our genitals. It is the experience of ourselves as pleasure, as delight, as beauty, as value.”
These eloquent words put a spiritual spin on Wilhelm Reich’s basic thesis that our erotic impulses are fundamental, vital to who we are as human beings. As you can tell, I’m still ruminating over the term asexual from a previous post on here. Forget all of the reading, the hours of studying somatics – deep in my soul I believe that erotic expression is essential to our very existence. Denying that part of ourselves makes us incomplete. Hey, don’t hate me cuz I’m pretty – this is what I believe.
Stand at any street corner or park yourself at a Starbuck’s and watch how men shift their pelvis as they move. You can usually spot who is tightly constricted or who is moving freely in their hips. Or, said another way, try and imagine who might be a good lover in bed (don’t even try to tell me you’ve never done this on a DAILY basis) and then work backwards, asking yourself what is it about this man that leads me think this? Most likely it is how they move in their bodies. And their nice butt….After all, it’s all about the basics!!
Taking a risk
Let’s chat a bit about WHY movement in general, and Ecstatic Dancing specifically, is important. We as men hold our bodies to mediate the environment, in addition to our breath – it is how we manage physiologically what we are feeling in our bodies. this tends to be become rote, patterned, because we humans gravitate toward what is familiar.
My niece Alexi, for example, only listens to music that is familiar whereas I often times listen to what is unfamiliar. I want to be surprised, to get out of that listening rut, to discover something new and fresh in the music I listen to. The same principle goes for movement, and as you may have guessed, how we play erotically!!!
Ecstatic Dance, held in downtown Oakland and San Francisco every Sunday morning and Wed evening, is a perfect place to experiment, to find that unfamiliar place in your body to move in and out of, to let the music move you with eyes closed, and to MOVE OUT OF the patterned ways we move our bodies on a day-to-day basis. This is about taking a risk physically and emotionally.
I cracked up to see that women are comfortable taking their shirts off just as the guys do during the movement. It’s a nice crowd ranging from small children running around to folks in their 60’s, about half gay and straight, a circus at times with skateboards weaving in and out of the crowd to hula hoops.
Check it out as a great way to open your body, lose a few pounds, or just breathe……
Get Moving
Check it out guys! I’ve been doing this for the last 10 months or so – it is a great workout and a friendly place to move your body to some some rocking grooves………..
Certified Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor David Burke of Sensory Energetics.
