Mirror
Our Magic Mirror
It’s true what they say about the eyes being the windows to the soul and the face being the mirror, a glimpse into what is happening in our minds and bodies. I’m still reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink, and one passage really struck home for me.
The author recounts an experiment where researchers measured a person’s facial muscles while they experienced emotional states such as sadness, desire, horror and lust – then had actors do the same thing. What surprised the scientists was that physiologically there were no differences between the two groups – the somatic response was identical as if they were really experiencing these emotional states. This illustrates a long held belief that how we hold our face can affect our moods, and that something almost unconscious such as our emotional states can be influenced by the power of awareness.
What pray tell, you may be asking, does this have to do with our erotic bodies??? Few men, if ever, question how they attract another with their face, their eyes. How is this done? Do we scrunch up our eyes, wink, raise and lower our eyebrows several times?? Stare a lot (yikes)? In the 70′s it was common to do just that – often men would have sexual encounters without a word spoken. Guys would cruise each other, conveying interest using the eyes and facial muscles and perhaps a crotch grope or two and SCORE! It is much more common now to chat a man up, perhaps out of necessity safety-wise.
So the next time you are not feeling into your erotic body, try turning yourself on a few times in the mirror and see how you feel.
With our vision we can create the world
The title is a bastardization of a Buddha quote – and it fits with what is on my mind today, how our vision can either condemn or create. Through the eyes we see the world, or not, meaning we select what we let into ourselves. What men don’t want to see is not only the horrors of the world but our own shame, passed down through the eyes from parents to children. Of course words can perpetuate this shame but in this article I’m really sitting with how powerful the eyes can be.
When men have a challenge with gazing into their partner’s eyes it speaks to me of not wanting to see rejection mirrored back to them, or disapproval, even to hide their own perceived vulnerability or weaknesses. One of the easiest ways to hide or block out the world is to close our eyes, a form of dissociation, a way to manage our physiologic stimuli.
A way to explore working with eye gazing is to first work in front of a mirror alone in a well-lighted room. Practice what we call bite-sizing, spend brief periods looking at yourself in a mirror without judgment, only curiosity. See what you can discover about yourself that you did not know. Gradually increase the time spent in the mirror with yourself, and over time, try to include another, again bite-sizing the exposure.
AND, always try to include eyes gazing when playing erotically, both with yourself and your buddy – let your partner know you are present with them and not crawling into a hole of your own sensations and fantasies. It’s ironic how men can play, doing something that is so intimate, and actually NOT be present with their partners. Remember, this is dance you both are doing together.
If you want to create some intimacy in your relationships, spend some time really Looking at your partner, not saying anything. You may be surprised at what happens next……………..
Certified Massage Therapist and Yoga Instructor David Burke of Sensory Energetics.
