Erotic Self Regulation

How we Restrain Ourselves – Part 1 Erotic Regulation

I’ve been thinking lately about open and closed systems, in particular how we move in and out of our erotic impulses. An excellent way to illustrate this would be to look back over the past year erotically, tracking the vicissitudes of arousal.  This can be done through journal writing, documenting weekly how open or shut down we were and connect that to how we were emotionally, physically and spiritually.  My buddy David (thanks Noodles) tracks his rhythms on a chart to graphically visualize these patterns.

This technique is also utilized by Financial Behaviorists (These folks help others to reveal their seasons of spending, looking at relationships with money, etc.).  When looking at our erotic rhythms, what becomes apparent is how the flow expands and contracts from our personal baseline.  These ‘baselines’ are important because we all start from somewhere, based on our experiences – some men are dealing with addictions, sexual or emotional trauma that intrudes on their sense of aliveness.

In a closed erotic system, there is little room for growth or change; men keep doing what they have always done since the very first orgasm. They masturbate the same way; they fuck in the same way and are present or not in the same way.  There is rigidity in a closed system – think about the US Military, the Catholic Church, or about dogma in general.  When freedoms are suspended in service of dogma/rules, you have a static system doomed to crumble under the weight of its own teachings.

One of the tenets of closed systems is dualities like good vs bad, dark vs light, or any number of opposites.  These beliefs bind members together, united under a common goal, and foster black and white thinking in general, thinking in absolutes.  This is part of where the rigidity comes from, especially becoming entrenched when our erotic expression is paired to an addiction or trauma – either a big ol slut or celibate, either in for a 100 men in one night or not at all.

Hit up the link below for an excellent explanation of how our beliefs become reified, hardened in our bodies.

Why is a body centered approach needed?

In contrast, as children our bodies know about growth – it seems growing is all we are doing (in reality it never stops).  This is the flow of life, to grow, expand, to breathe in and out.  Wilhelm Reich studied multiple systems, including animals, humans, and even single celled organisms; he noticed that all have movement in common, they all pulsate with energy – calling this the ‘Pulsation Model’.  Larger systems such as families, political groups and countries, need room to flourish, to expand and contract.  This is nature at its best, wild and uncontained.

So how can we bring more expressional fluidity and less containment to our erotic play, with ourselves and another?  One way might be to look at how rigid we are, questioning our erotic process.   Do we take risks?  Is there room for discovery, space to uncover something new, something unexpected, even delightful?  Can we play with breath and can we make sounds, I mean loud sounds?  Claim your space, baby!!!!  Sounds help to ground us in our bodies – in fact, you can observe young children making sounds all of the time.  AND, above all, HAVE FUN!  Reclaim that sense of play you had as a kid, laugh and sit in your own juices/sensations afterward.