Breath

Five? What happened to only 1?

Grad school at CIIS was a trip – not only did I have to contend with living in a big city for the first time and commuting on BART, I had to learn to immerse myself in a group of mostly women.  Yikes!  Yes, lots of drama ensued, plus my own responses to group process.  The 2nd semester, back in early 2004, I found a local practitioner Jamie, who offered classes on movement therapy for gay men (click here for more info on that – yes, he is still teaching!!).  It was a very comfortable atmosphere, meeting other gay men who wanted to learn about themselves non-verbally in movement – wow, a whole new world opened up to me – my body as resource.  This was whole new concept, and an excellent panacea to the stress and confusion of grad school.  Instead of trusting school-mates and doing process work with them (clearly there were some emotionally mercurial people – read: roller coaster ride) I learned to trust myself.  This was huge for me!

Jamie, the kind and gentle man that he is, introduced us to the 5 Elements in Somatic Expression: movement, sounds (not words), breath, touch or contact, and stillness.  I went on to study with this man for the next 3 years, discovering how to be in my body, and with others, in a new, more grounded way.   These trainings, along with a number of different modalities became the groundwork for Sensory Energetics, especially the Puppy Intro.

I got to thinking the other day that these 5 elements are essential to a good erotic play session.  Let’s look at each one:

Movement – some men grew up in a crowded household with no privacy to explore their erotic body so they “learned” to be quiet, to be very still to experience their pleasure.  Another scenario could be an emotionally repressive or even scary household (Mom or Dad has a psychopathology like bipolar or borderline personality disorder, or alcoholism or drug use).

These patterns are set in place and become the groundwork for later adulthood erotic expressions.  NOT GOOD!  There needs to be a certain abandonment to the moment in sex play, a sense of NOT knowing what is coming next, of having fun, getting wild, of moving your body in ways you would never think of doing.

Sounds –  making sounds helps us to self-regulate, calms us down when we become stirred up or triggered and during sex can really amp up the energy of the session or greatly prolong the plateau phase.  A good example of prolonging would be the classic tantra pose (one seated with the other in their lap facing each other, while the one on bottom has their cock inside the one on top).  Here we would be breathing opposite each other making sounds on the exhale, getting the vocalization to vibrate in your body.  Later as we approach the big “O,” we would begin breathing together and making sounds.

As for how we learn this, see above in Movement. I am always amazed at how some men have an orgasm and there is absolutely NO sounds whatsoever.  If I did not see the ejaculation, I would never had known anything happened to them.

Breath – Yes, very important Little Grasshopper!  We learn how to breath shallowly most often from trauma, growing up in a volatile household with lots of beatings or yelling, more common than you’d think.  Try and remember the last time you felt shock – most likely you took a gasp, a short sharp inhale, sometimes even holding your breath.  This expression then becomes reified.  In fact, the diaphragm supports this by developing musculature, further cementing the expression in place.  Another way we could become shallow breathers is from grief or sadness, usually residing in our upper chest.  A good erotic play session includes ALL of who we are including our breath – remember, you are an athlete.

Touch – Sex is a contact sport, despite what I’ve seen in various places around SF!  It’s so odd to me seeing men having sex where there is only genital contact and nothing else.  When I am playing erotically, I want to get to know every inch of my partner’s body, every sensitive spot, every smell.  I want to explore his sweat, to lick his eye lids (try this!!), and to bite his ears.

Stillness – A necessary part of every play session, sometimes at the beginning, middle and most often at the end.  We can never appreciate movement unless we have stillness, the contrast is what makes the movement all the more sweeter.  There is much to be learned from stillness – ask any meditator, a return to homeostasis and balance.

I often wonder why men settle for less than a full-on sporting event in the bedroom.  Sadly, quick expressions of erotic life seem to be the norm.  So grasshoppers, teach others what you’ve learned in the class, demand more time with your partner, more contact, more breathing, and take in more life!

Open Wide Part 2

Some of you know that I underwent septal reconstruction surgery for a deviated septum a few weeks ago.  What that means is that both nasal passages were constricted, so my breathing was challenging at best.  This is something I’ve been dealing with my whole life – and really didn’t think a lot about it, it was just the way things were.  In the recuperative process I’ve spoken with several men who have had the same surgery – all claim that my oral skills will change dramatically.

Yes, I meaning giving head!!!  I’ve always enjoyed the process and practice of giving good blow job however it was always about either keeping my strokes short or holding my breath for long periods, both of which I’ve mastered (really, ask anyone).  Yet it took some energy to do this, was less of a flow.  Now that will all change.  I am so excited about this prospect and look forward to many hours of sucking and lingual tickling.

So if any of you are challenged by head (the giving not the getting), have to blow your nose after each blowjob and are holding your breath on a regular basis when polishing the knob, think about this procedure.  The men of America need you!!!!!!

The nose knows, and so follows your thoughts

“Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh

I love the convergence of ideas, how if we just listen or if we expand our awareness to pay attention there is a sort of melding of ideas from seemingly disparate sources. This I’ve learned from studying spirituality and metaphysics over the years, that tenets from Buddhist psychology, Taoism, even Native American beliefs all have much more in common than not.

Breath has been a focus as of late; I received a call from a very enthused and excited friend who just completed an evening with a Native American shaman, espousing the power of nose breathing in an attempt to activate the Vagus nerve. In fact, there are a number of exercises one can do, including immersing the face in cold ice water to the hairline for 30 seconds (although I can imagine it is only long enough for one held breath). Yes, I know it sounds more like a CIA torture technique, but really it is stimulating the Vegus nerve to bring about a state of tranquility and feelings of peace.

Several hours before this call I met with another buddy who turned me onto a book called Mind Body Sports, an Ayurvedic approach to athletics that uses nose breathing as the basis for getting into the Zone in your chosen sport. While it doesn’t go specifically into Vegus nerve stimulation, it does elaborate on how we are born as nose breathers, how it calms the body during peak exertion, and how we become inefficient chest breathers from trauma beginning from an early age.

I invite you to do your own exploring, especially when faced with a particularly stressful work day. Sit quietly and breathe through your nose for several minutes and see how you feel. Fairly soon I think you will find your body calming down, and with it, your thoughts.

The Holder part Deux

If you’ve ever watched how a baby breathes, it is effortless. The energy in the pelvis informs the rest of the body and the movement is spontaneous, undulating on an organismic level. Reich’s theory of his Pulsation Model describes just this after observing all matter of beings from a single celled organism to animals to man. All creatures/systems undulate from the micro to the macro level. Each morning we brush and wash and shower and clean up ourselves, we fuck and eat and shit all in rhythms. We move in and out of contact, even out emotions fluctuate a thousand times per day. Reich looked at our life force exploding outward from us in our orgasm – as I write this I’m reminded of the Big Bang theory, the beginning of the universe as we know it. I’d like to think that our orgasm is a micro level Big Bang, a part of the Pulsation Model in harmony with the universe.

I’m not saying that one position is better than the rest – IT IS THE CHOICE THAT IS IMPORTANT!!! When we become locked in our pelvis, dropped down posteriorly like a dog hiding it’s tail between its legs, we are in the discharge position and are unable to hold an energetic charge in our bodies – consequently we lose our choice in the world as to how we move in it. A man cannot hold these sexual feelings when his pelvis is in this position so he either has to act on them or squelch them, cutting him off from his very essence, his aliveness.

Ah, and our bodies, that wonderfully ingenious collection of breath and bone accommodates because that is what it does most efficiently, it allows. It builds musculature to support our rigid posture (not good).

Conversely, if our belly is soft and our pelvis tucked into a forward rotation, we can hold our charge. Our sexual feelings (not genital stimulation) are held here in the belly along with our feelings of sadness and power in the world. Scary, huh? Nah, it’s all good.