Being Seen

With our vision we can create the world

The title is a bastardization of a Buddha quote – and it fits with what is on my mind today, how our vision can either condemn or create. Through the eyes we see the world, or not, meaning we select what we let into ourselves. What men don’t want to see is not only the horrors of the world but our own shame, passed down through the eyes from parents to children. Of course words can perpetuate this shame but in this article I’m really sitting with how powerful the eyes can be.
When men have a challenge with gazing into their partner’s eyes it speaks to me of not wanting to see rejection mirrored back to them, or disapproval, even to hide their own perceived vulnerability or weaknesses. One of the easiest ways to hide or block out the world is to close our eyes, a form of dissociation, a way to manage our physiologic stimuli.

A way to explore working with eye gazing is to first work in front of a mirror alone in a well-lighted room. Practice what we call bite-sizing, spend brief periods looking at yourself in a mirror without judgment, only curiosity. See what you can discover about yourself that you did not know. Gradually increase the time spent in the mirror with yourself, and over time, try to include another, again bite-sizing the exposure.

AND, always try to include eyes gazing when playing erotically, both with yourself and your buddy – let your partner know you are present with them and not crawling into a hole of your own sensations and fantasies. It’s ironic how men can play, doing something that is so intimate, and actually NOT be present with their partners. Remember, this is dance you both are doing together.

If you want to create some intimacy in your relationships, spend some time really Looking at your partner, not saying anything. You may be surprised at what happens next……………..