Ready Set Goooooooooooooo…..

BTW, I’ll be there teaching the morning yoga each day so check it out!

I have an older client that is going through a second adolescence because of the bodywork we are doing on the table; I swear he is younger than me sometimes, so full of joy and delight at what he is discovering about his body. One characteristic that is coming out of this work is a spontaneous movement routine he has adopted first thing in the morning as a way to wake up his body. It’s really quite simple – he rolls out of bed, reclines on the floor and begins moving from the inside in whatever way feels different.

I do not mean in a splitting, good versus bad duality, more in a way that is new and fresh, lead by a sense of curiosity. Sure, many men run on a treadmill in the morning or do proscribed Tai Chi movements and that can be very good however I sense that something is missing in this kind of exercise. He has a mindset from the beginning of wondering….what happens if I stretch my arm in this way or bring my hip over my ear? It is a “not knowing” what will happen or where he will end up that he finds so exhilarating. And from this simple exercise each morning he reports finding new energy that he never knew he had. As many of you already know, I am all about discovery; it is precisely our routines that make us old. Feeling our full masculine erotic energy is really about un-learning, about breaking our routines of what we think is good for us, becoming mindful with our bodies and being curious, really listening. Give this a try for a few mornings and I guarantee you WILL be feeling it!

What does this mean?  A Gay Life?  I suspect it may mean that we are defined somewhat by our behaviors, like MSM (Men who have sex with Men) changed the way we looked epidemiologically at the spread of STD’s in the 90’s.  The idea is that we look to the behaviors and not the labeling, like gay, or fag or queer – these mere descriptors will not tell us much.  However when we look at what two men are actually doing together when the lights are off, this tells us much more about a creative life, our yearnings, even our lust for power or surrender.

By walking hand in hand on vacation with your BF (or FB for that matter) you are letting folks know that it is not safe to assume a binary approach to sexuality – that good sex comes in many shapes and sizes, and that to have a life defined by others is not a life.  We need to create a life worth living through our actions – defined by US.  Be adventurous, explore, try something new.  Then get good at it.  You’ll have em lined out the door.

Like Rimming.

This is one of those practices I thoroughly enjoy (I repeat ENJOY) getting and it is relatively safe under the right circumstances.  Before I get into that here are a few articles on the subject to check out, and while the Rimming 101 article is geared toward the “straight” community, it offers a number of aspects to think about before going down on your man.

Physiologically, there is an extraordinary aspect of rimming that you’ll notice once you get past the cultural squeamishness of having your rear licks tenderly (or wildly).  There is a direct energetic link to the jaw – midwives and doulas know this so they use pressure points in the mouth to induce relaxation in the pelvis for child birth.  You’ll quickly find that your whole body begins to soften and relax, especially as you get more into it.  This is why in porn vids you often find tops preparing their men for later insertion by relaxing their man with their mouth and tongue and spit first.

Rimming 101 is a good read, plus check out this video by Colt to get your motor running.

Aside from the usual tips and tricks listed in the article, there are a few guidelines I like to use:

-  Make sure your man is clean and fresh out of the shower, or better yet, jump the fuck in there with him, soap his hole to your satisfaction and teach him the real meaning of bi-lingual.

-  It is always fun to surprise your man in the pool or hot tub

-  In the sling, once you have your buddy face up and all relaxed, place your tongue (especially if you are squeamish about exploring his man hole) along the ridges of the perineum, the “taint” will have definite valleys on either side when he is hard, and use two very wet fingers to lightly explore his hole.  To him, it’ll feel as though your tongue is in his hole – he will not be able to feel the difference.

Finally, here is a photo blog from my favorite site, Tumblr about rimming.

So, never shy away from PDA’s with your man.  We are constructing a “creative life” one rimmed butt at a time.

This takes some skill and practice, I realize.  And there may be some awkward bumps n the road however keep it up and you will soon find that you are getting all that you want erotically.  And don’t be afraid to negotiate – a NO is not always a no.  Sometimes it is a maybe.

Then again, perhaps No may be your erotic trigger……

You won’t feel as if you got stiffed – or hopefully you will.  Of course, the steel cock ring didn’t hurt either.

Whoo Hoo!  Go Piggie!

The first time I can remember the experience of checking men out was in the Boy Scouts, on a camping trip in Upper Michigan at the tender age of 14. This was at a time when male hormones were ramping up in my body; I was so jacked I could not sleep.  My cock seemed to be 10 times bigger than I’d ever seen or felt it before, even though at that time I did not yet know what to do with it. Although we were staying in rustic cabins the toilets were outside, an outhouse really with a long trough for pissing.  An older scout walked in while I stood outside with the door cracked.

He proceeded to pull out a sizable member and let it all go, while I stood transfixed at his size.  That image stayed with me all night as I rubbed myself on my sleeping bag liner.  I swear I only slept a few hours that night….sigh.  There were a few more experiences that long weekend with other scouts – this marked the beginning of my evaluative process, of comparing my equipment to other’s.

Like I wrote above, we ALL do it – we look, we stare, we use sideways glances to see how we measure up as men, what Fritz Perls calls standing at the contact boundary however in this case it is not emotionally but as MEN.  Our cocks are the ultimate male signifiers, instantly marking us as a single gender.  We use it to express our vulnerability, our power and even our rage.  Some might even say that we, as men, are obsessed with our cocks.  And, face it, it is the ultimate toy, one we were born with.

One of the challenges happen when, in the evaluating process, we perceive ourselves as less than.  Just as Tom Spanbauer writes in The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon, I’ve seen big dicks and little one, skinny ones and fat ones, bare ones and hooded ones.  They are all good.  Every one can be fun given the right stimulation – I’ve never met a cock I didn’t like instantly.  And more importantly, big or little, measuring maleness by our cock size does not make us more of a man, only more of a dick.

My point here is to look, and keep on looking.  Don’t be embarrassed to see how other men are built.  If we lived in a naked society there would be less staring and more acceptance of who we are as men.  So, the next  time you are in a position to check out other men, don’t be shy about it.  Take a good long look, then give the guy a healthy nod.  We need more acceptance in this world, more men feeling good about who they are as men.

In addition, the chefs cook up some sumptuous meals to keep you fat and happy.  Give a call or check out the website for more details.

“If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life?  It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning.  This is harmony.  We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.”

I love this quote, reminding me of a conversation last night with a client.  We were talking about how some men collect things: cars, men, clothes, knowledge, sex, houses (not homes) “Friends” as in Facebook Friends, or Twitter pals – and never thinking deeper on what they are collecting.  Popularity?  Comfort?  Acknowledgment or validation?  In the end what do they have?  I’ve been saying for years that IT is all about the relationships.  Life.  The Reason We Are Here.

It’s funny because we get bombarded constantly with messages to the contrary: that we will be much more fulfilled if we had that car (or truck or SUV), or that man, that we would get that man if we had that body or those muscles or that large cock.  All of those things are fine and good, actually can be quite fun for a bit – however in the end what are you left with?  The longing for something more.  It may  not be felt right off, it may even take some years before this yearning kicks in – but it will eventually.

One way that I keep myself in check is to practice what David Richo talks about in his book How to be an Adult in Relationships: Appreciation!  Daily I tell my guy that I appreciate him – I also do this with my friends, doctors and just about anyone I come in contact with, including clients.  This lets folks know that I am not taking them for granted and really do appreciate them being in my life.  In fact, this lets them know that each and every contact, each moment is precious – because it is!  Most men have to lose everything to learn this valuable lesson.  Don’t be one of them or you may end up in a Learning Channel TV show.