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Summer movies on the beach

Okay, this post is a long time coming as I am a big ol movie nut.  I am fascinated by how our culture is represented through images (also a big Tumblr Addict), and how age-old dramas are played out – despite a contemporary twist.  Here are some of my all time favorites, most having to do with Pride, or Piggie Sex, and Tantra.

Good Dick [2008] tells the story of a lonely damaged young girl and a needy porn video clerk.   Tom Arnold is absolutely evil……

Inlaws and Outlaws [2010] This film is not just about Gay Marriage, more about the commonalities of coming together with anyone.  They interview both gay and straight couples, and after awhile into the movie it becomes clear that the struggles of living and loving and dying are common to all couples.

Bliss [1997] This movie, while having a cheesy made for TV feel to it, really does come through in that it shows Tantra in action.  Check out the review here on it.

Big Eden [2000] I’m always surprised that more do not know about this little gem of a movie.  This movie is about pride and love and acceptance in a small town in Montana.

The Ritz [1976] This is one of my all time favorite films if you want big laughs.  It is hard to find and worth the wait, set in a bath house in NY starring Jack Weston, Rita Moreno and Jack Stiller.

Dream Boy [2008]  I rarely if ever watch coming out stories as they tend to focus on the excruciating dramas of pain and misery however this one is quite touching, may even make you cry.

The Kids in the Hall – Death Comes to Town [2008]  You may remember their over the top sketches from the 70 and 80′s – these Canadian cross-dressing comedians are twisted.

Well, there you have it kiddies, all the videos to keep you amazed and annoyed throughout the summer months.  Go Piggie!

For Your Summer Reading ….

Yeah, it’s that time to get your butt out to the beach, laze around on the deck sunning your body, and take some much deserved time off.  So, as chill time abounds, here is the Summer reading list of some of my favorite books.

Just in time for Pride Month – The Soul Beneath the Skin by David Nimmons.  This book is simply about Pride, a sociological look at how gay people actually function in our world, our PLACE in it.  It is about “feeling good” to be gay, a direct antidote to shame.  A quote: “Maybe our key difference doesn’t lie in our erotic after all.  What if it’s just our opening act, a way of learning what we can do together?  What if all that sex – that lovely, magnificent, sticky, daring, tender, piggy, bold, sweated sex – is just a dry run for the glorious trouble we can make when we put our will to it?”

Another quote I particularly like from the book, quoting Andrew Ramer: “Gay men pass on a special knowledge and wisdom through sex.  There is a whole story we tell through the sex we have.  I see it as a physical activity which represents the common consciousness.”

Please, please pick up this wonderful book, if you want to feel joy and yes, pride in who we are as gay men.  

The next book on the list is a tough read, I know however, it is essential to our growth as men.  I recommend this book, Coming out of Shame by Gershen Kaufman and Lev Raphael, to all of my psychotherapy clients.   One of the reasons it is such a tough read is that the authors, two PhD’s in relationship, delve into how shame evolves (shame theory), based on the ground-breaking work of Sylvan Tomkins.   You will discover how shame is formed and may even get a creepy feeling like I did that it is much more pervasive than I’d thought in our culture.

Then around page 148 comes learning how to address shame, how to recognize and yes, even transform it.  The authors call shame a sickness of the soul. I was blown away when reading it.  A challenge might be that men tend feel shame just reading it – most likely you will see yourself while reading it.  Chapter Three is entitled From Gay Shame to Gay Pride!  YES!

So, feel the Pride this month, get out when you can and be the PIGGIE you were meant to be!  We owe it to everyone out there.  Well, maybe only the sexy ones.

New and Improved – OUCH!

Some of you men may have noticed that the new re-edited trailer was uploaded a week ago on this site (see the DVD page).  This was in an effort to shorten it and to take out the nudity, making it more palatable content (or so I thought) for uploading to You Tube and Vimeo, several video sharing sites with a wide mass appeal.  The trailer was rejected from both sites for objectionable material!!!!  WTF!  My voiceover is the only erotic component of the film and still someone found this offensive, leading me to question the mindset of the general public (not the first time I’ve done this).

So many men are ashamed of their bodies, and sex in general, especially with another man.  Sensory Energetic work is all about helping men discover erotic states of pleasuring with another man – with their cocks and their hearts.   I remain committed to presenting this valuable work despite this minor set back.  Get the word out – Go Piggie!

Sensory Energetics received some welcome words of praise from the The Advocate a few months ago in their online article of the GAYEST cities in America. I know – OAKLAND?  You can find the blurb (yes,a  blurb!) here at The Advocate.  It was nice to both see this area getting the positive attention it deserves and to see Sensory Energetics in print.  Yes, I’m officially a media whore now.  One takes em where they can get em.  Go Piggie!

Show off your stuff

A buddy of mine, James, does photo art and is looking for a model for his newest line of images, combining nude male images with nature.  You can contact him if interested in modeling at 916.541.8980 or just drop him an email to find out more info about the project at jw.createsart@gmail.com

Rock on!

In Honor of National Masturbation Month – It’s the LAW!

It is our DUTY and it’s good for us TOO!!!

Saves money. Saves time. Minimizes stress. Cures headaches. Hurts nobody. Angers the pope. Masturbate.

It’s all About the Execution

Let’s chat a bit about something that is very important to me – KISSING.  This is one of those make-or-break skills in dating and relationships – you either know how to do this or you do not.  Luckily, I had 8 years of playing the trumpet and cornet in grade school through high school, so plenty of time to develop what  is called embouchure, or the use of the facial muscles and shaping of the lips.  This is good!  It’s like hearing that your play partner is a former ballet dancer.  Oh freakin WOW!  Why this is IMPORTANT: This is the opening bid, the first chance you get to smell and taste your partner, experiencing him fully.  It is the prelude where technique will decide whether this will be 5 minutes or 5 hours.  For me, it can literally make or break the date.

There are many types of kissers out there, so let’s look at several types, but before we do, I want to tie it in with how we attach in general because I feel it is important to the understanding of how we become crappy or succulent kissers.  I suspect that how we kiss has everything to do with how we organize around attachment – are we more cautious in relationships or ready to move in on the first date? The lips are yet another way we connect or not, what Fritz Perls calls “standing at the contact boundary” and is related to intimacy bigtime.

The Cool Breeze Guy: “I fuck but I do not kiss.  Period.”  (I want my dick sucked real bad.  I’m not really gay but my sex partner is).

The Holland Tunnel Guy: “I approach my dates with a gaping open hole of a mouth kiss because I want to merge with them and I might as well start at the head and work my way down.”  Usually associated with lots of slobbery saliva.

The Velcro Guy: This guy kisses very soft and supple however you notice that his lips seems to stick as you are disengaging, as if he does not want to let go.  Voted most likely to move in on the first date and never leave.

The Man in the Iron Mask Guy: This type of kissing is more like bumping bone than surrendering into the embrace of fleshy lips.  I think of kissing Cornelius in the Planet of the Apes – all skull and bone and no……..anything.  Save it for your straight buddies at the gym or that Aunt with the mustache you can’t stand.

The Python Guy: This one has his tongue down your throat in 2 seconds flat, and will most likely be in your other orifices before you can catch your breath.  Works for me.  ————————>

The Mouth Breather: This guy might be a good kisser at first however the experience will be punctuated with a lot of breaks as he needs to breath and cannot do so with your lips in the way.  This one will also be marginal at head also, unless there is some kind of breathing apparatus like a snorkel used.

The Fuller Brush Guy: As you lean in on the approach you quickly realize that there needs to be 2 hands involved to move all of the extended mustache and beard hair out of the way.  Could be good as long as you don’t mind tasting some of last night’s dinner.  Again, could be good, especially if you’ve not eaten in awhile.

And finally……

The Conductor:  This guy kisses as if playing a finely tuned instrument, beginning very softly on the approach to build some passion using both breath and proximity to help build excitement, then moving from the prelude into the first act using the tongue sparingly, exploring the real estate but not cleaning your gums in the process. Next comes more forceful tongue action in addition to breathing together, creating a sort of altered state as you take in each other’s air.  Here you will most likely feel some gentle lip biting as they build into a crescendo of both licking and biting and kissing.  They had me on the approach.

So there you have it, the Guide to Gay Men and Kissing.  The best way to learn is to practice like hell, get out there and ask for feedback from others.  I’m sure there are plenty of men willing to give you a try.

Manscaping Downunder – The Twins

Let’s get to the real nuts of the matter – “The Boys” down there need some loving too.  This post is all about care and nurturing of our chestnuts, what feels good and how to accentuate what you got.  A while ago I did a massage exchange with a buddy, and to my surprise he asked if I wanted a shave – a nut sack shave!  He proceeded to wash my cock and balls with a warm towel and very carefully shaved my sack, taking his time to work up to the shaft and even getting down to the “taint” (as my good friend Scott says referring to the perineum, ‘taint the balls and ‘taint the asshole).  The finishing touch was not only another warm towel bath but his fingers stroking the freshly shaved and very sensitive sack skin.  I nearly came right off the table!!!!

Alan does some good work; in addition to lavishing attention to your low hangers he does full body manscaping, trimming down (and taming) unruly body hair, helping to accentuate a man’s natural physique.  You can call him at 510-436-3330 or drop him an email at alanoakley46@yahoo.com for an appointment.

As for play, I have always enjoyed a light tugging on my balls when receiving head from a guy, especially right at the point when they begin to ascend just before ejaculation.  This signals the end of the plateau phase and the beginning of the orgasm phase, breathing is heavier and the balls actually become engorged and slightly larger, same for the prostate.  I’ve had many guys slap my balls (No) or really pull hard (Ugh-ugh) or even twist them (WTF??).  This isn’t your new chew toy, buddy.  Be gentle here – we want to add just a little sensation to the already flooding cascade of sensations we are feeling in our whole body, not be overwhelmed by it.  UNLESS you’re a Ballplayer, the name for men that really enjoy heavy, and I mean heavy ball play, including nuts in vices (very cool clear lucite vices so you can see everything – yes, I’ve done this), tying them up with all manner of ropes and bungees (this, too), and even suspending the lower body by your nuts.   Check out Shotgun Videos for more info on Ballplayers.

Back in my bodybuilding days I would even tie iron weights to the ball sack using a ball stretcher with a D-ring attached, a thick leather cock ring of sorts for your balls.  It feels awesome wearing one, weights or not.  You can find one at Mr. S Leather or at The Stockroom.  Check it out and have some fun with your cajones – you’ll be glad you did.  

It’s all in the energy

A client asked me about something I was doing the other day during a bodywork session, and I’m afraid I wasn’t able to answer very well. Lately, especially in this past year, I’ve been much more in my intuitive self, sensing into events and encounters than ever before. The upside is that I am more available and present with clients – the downside is that I’m not able to access the prefrontal cortex, the thinking, evaluating part of my brain. The move I was doing with my client consisted of pressing on his belly to help expand the chest cavity beyond its usual range. It is one that I’ve had some success with in getting the muscular holding to release in a client’s chest, usually in regards to stored grief. The point here is that it is a move I practice without really thinking about it – more feeling into it.

So, here’s the thinking part: when we have an unprocessed emotion our bodies support the choice to hold onto it, and will develop muscular patterns to support that choice. The same thing happens when we work out a certain way, like a ballet dancer. The musculature supports the choices, and elegantly I might add. So, in the case of working with my client I was using energy to move and shift energy. I’ve noticed some men need to have an equal amount of energy to help them let go of what they are holding on to. I call this the Energy Equivalency Theory – that we need an equal or greater amount of energy to shift us and our typical muscular and emotional holding. Ask any Dom what their clients do for a living, whether straight or gay and they will tell you the same thing. They are lawyers and judges – men in positions of power needing a release from that muscular and emotional holding. In addition, that is really what massage is all about: changing our patterned ways of moving through the world, including the patterned ways we hold onto our emotions.

Another example is how some people need drama in their lives. They create, whether consciously or unconsciously, emotional upheaval to mirror what they are feeling inside. All the world IS in fact a stage (thanks, Bill). I see this phenomenon on the table, where I first became aware that something more was going on: I’d have clients that kept asking for more pressure and more pressure, and even when it was all I could give they were asking for more. This was a clue to me that some other dynamic was happening. The outcome was always either one of two polarities – the first that they would leave wanting more, unsatisfied, and the second that I would be successful in helping them to feel a force greater than the force they were using to hold down the emotions and catharsis would unfold. The greater the energy used to hold down the emotion the greater the release.

Let me be clear here – I am not a big fan of catharsis. Things do not have to be this way, big and dramatic. Perhaps it is how we, as men, are taught to process our emotions. Or Freud’s thesis in Civilization and its Discontents – he writes that we are faced with need frustrations almost every moment of every day and we have to deal with it/respond to it by using a significant amount of energy, dampening down our vital impulses in the process.

I am however, a big fan of Systems Theory, of watching how our available energy is spent from moment to moment, of being especially mindful of how our systems use energy expanding and contracting relationally. If there is one single message to take away, it is to be mindful of how you use/expend energy, to notice how you express yourself and wonder about it all, to disconnect from the emotional drama of our lives and drop into curiosity. After all, it is just energy.