I’ve always been fascinated by jobs, especially the jobs we call “blow.”  We are not really blowing anything.  It’s all about opening wide – and it can be quite a job, particularly when faced with a huge monster rearing its head.  I always try to do my best, though.  That is precisely whey they call it practice.  I know some who should get a lifetime achievement award……..from this relentless soul I picked up the latest entry into the Tips Tricks and Techniques from the Edge.

The fascination, for me, is equally as exciting whether I am  standing with my hands planted on  a man’s ears, shoving my tool down their throat, or on my knees with both hands behind my back using my inner throat muscles to massage my man’s cock.  It’s an oral thing, to be filled up, satiated, complete – and don’t forget the sublime rapture (as Charles Nelson calls it in both his books Panthers in the Skins of Men and The Boy Who Picked the Bullets Up) of a big ol explosive load in your mouth or the sweet musky juices dripping down your throat.  Ahhhh.

So, here is an excellent way to turn your man into a mewling puppy.  I learned this technique back in the 70’s from a master cock sucker, a guy that really relished his avocation and it can be done with things you already have around the house.  This trick works best if your man is standing, but can be done in any position, as you want his nut sack to hang down low.  Warming them beforehand by blowing on them might be a good way to begin.  First, use some Vaseline or heavy ointment style lip goo and coat your lips with a thick layer – this makes the sliding back and forth smooth and effortless.  Next, take some corn starch in your left hand (if you’re right handed) and slowly begin lightly massaging the balls of your man.  I mean very lightly!  The combined sensations will drive your man into a frenzy.  Who knows you might even get the job.

I’ve been thinking lately about open and closed systems, in particular how we move in and out of our erotic impulses. An excellent way to illustrate this would be to look back over the past year erotically, tracking the vicissitudes of arousal.  This can be done through journal writing, documenting weekly how open or shut down we were and connect that to how we were emotionally, physically and spiritually.  My buddy David (thanks Noodles) tracks his rhythms on a chart to graphically visualize these patterns.

This technique is also utilized by Financial Behaviorists (These folks help others to reveal their seasons of spending, looking at relationships with money, etc.).  When looking at our erotic rhythms, what becomes apparent is how the flow expands and contracts from our personal baseline.  These ‘baselines’ are important because we all start from somewhere, based on our experiences – some men are dealing with addictions, sexual or emotional trauma that intrudes on their sense of aliveness.

In a closed erotic system, there is little room for growth or change; men keep doing what they have always done since the very first orgasm. They masturbate the same way; they fuck in the same way and are present or not in the same way.  There is rigidity in a closed system – think about the US Military, the Catholic Church, or about dogma in general.  When freedoms are suspended in service of dogma/rules, you have a static system doomed to crumble under the weight of its own teachings.

One of the tenets of closed systems is dualities like good vs bad, dark vs light, or any number of opposites.  These beliefs bind members together, united under a common goal, and foster black and white thinking in general, thinking in absolutes.  This is part of where the rigidity comes from, especially becoming entrenched when our erotic expression is paired to an addiction or trauma – either a big ol slut or celibate, either in for a 100 men in one night or not at all.

Hit up the link below for an excellent explanation of how our beliefs become reified, hardened in our bodies.

Why is a body centered approach needed?

In contrast, as children our bodies know about growth – it seems growing is all we are doing (in reality it never stops).  This is the flow of life, to grow, expand, to breathe in and out.  Wilhelm Reich studied multiple systems, including animals, humans, and even single celled organisms; he noticed that all have movement in common, they all pulsate with energy – calling this the ‘Pulsation Model’.  Larger systems such as families, political groups and countries, need room to flourish, to expand and contract.  This is nature at its best, wild and uncontained.

So how can we bring more expressional fluidity and less containment to our erotic play, with ourselves and another?  One way might be to look at how rigid we are, questioning our erotic process.   Do we take risks?  Is there room for discovery, space to uncover something new, something unexpected, even delightful?  Can we play with breath and can we make sounds, I mean loud sounds?  Claim your space, baby!!!!  Sounds help to ground us in our bodies – in fact, you can observe young children making sounds all of the time.  AND, above all, HAVE FUN!  Reclaim that sense of play you had as a kid, laugh and sit in your own juices/sensations afterward.

Okay – so you screwed up again!  Then there is the resultant self-flaggelation afterward, a collection of responses from mental masturbation, that hamster wheel of thoughts as we mentally rehearse over and over what could have or should have been because, DAMMIT, it wasn’t our fault (projection), to lethargy to sleeplessness (more rehearsing even as we try to get a break from the barrage of thoughts), to isolating to sniping at our partners (displacement is Freud’s term – you know when the boss yells at us and we go home and kick the dog).  Whew!  I’m exhausted just reading this!  And believe me, it is barely the tip of the iceberg of responses of how we berate ourselves when we feel as though we’ve done something wrong.  No one is perfect – perfect is boring, unreal.

Native Americans understood the importance of flaws.  In Navajo rugs there is always a flaw built into the design on purpose – This flaw is intentional – the Navajo believe that this flaw allows the spirit, or soul, of the blanket to have the freedom to roam, and for the blanket to never truly end.  In reality, there is no such thing as perfect as we are all changing from each millisecond to the next – our bodies are renewing and aging, expanding and contracting with each moment.  It would be much more true to think that we are perfect in all of our our imperfections.  I can really see the beauty in that.  So the next time you screw up, I mean really pull a big one (that isn’t caught on You Tube or anything), try to create some space for self-forgiveness.  It is sooo much easier and takes a lot less energy to do so.  Ahhhhh.