“I’ve always believed that doors are meant to be opened. That’s why they have hinges and knobs – you put up a barrier and somebody is going to walk through it. It’s human nature to want to know what’s on the other side.”
- Maddox Donner, ABC’s Defying Gravity

I was thinking about doors the other day, the ones we live behind and the ones we construct for ourselves, perhaps a gateway to another step in our growth. Doors are there for a reason – they protect us from harm, keep us safe yet they can also keep us from taking risks in life, from living a life worth chuckling about in our old age. I’m also referring to our shadow, that which we defend against and deny, and construct energetic doors to keep it all safely locked away from anyone lest they find out. The doors serve us well in this regard, the key is turned, the latch locked.

In thinking about doors, I can’t help but wonder about the existential loneliness that goes along with the locked door. Is a door more about keeping someone from getting in or about you getting out, or being seen, in all of your stuff? The choice to hide behind doors can never be about healing, only protection – and protection usually takes us out of relationship. So, the next time you feel an impulse to “hole up,” to sequester yourself away from others and hide the beautiful sweet man that you are behind a door, think again. Everybody has something going on with them – it is what makes us real. A spiritual teacher once told me that choosing growth is the path of the courageous – placing your hand on the knob, turning the handle, and taking that first step through an open door is what courage is all about.

I’m struck by the nature of rhythms and how they play out in our lives. From the day/night cycles of our circadian rhythms, as is pictured here, to the drip, drip drip of the bathroom faucet that you have been meaning to get to for months but cannot find the time. It is said that nature abhors a vacuum, meaning that everything changes, evolves and devolves, including energy. My spiritual teacher would always repeat to me that energy, by its very nature, changes into something else, has to. Things die to make way for other things, how each year, like right about now, the leaves are falling from the trees around us and slowly, gradually decaying, offering up its nutrients and nitrogen, a by product of the decay, for other life to grow and flourish.

Most of these rhythms are just below our level of consciousness – if we just open up ourselves to the tempo of life, you may see that we are constantly expanding and contracting, moving in and out of relationship with ourselves and others. AND, specifically in our erotic lives. For example, the sexual energy in the last class was palpable. The men were open and frisky, the energy light and playful. Yes, it had been over a month since the last class and folks were adjusting to the new rhythms of Fall setting in. I even participated in the face sucking before class during the movement segment, something I’ve never done in the 5 years I’ve been teaching this class.

If you notice, even in our jacking off and fucking we have rhythms, both in the act and the frequency, day to day and month to month. So if you ever feel down about low erotic energy, try and let that energy go around judging where you are at and how you are moving through the world. Everything is as it should be – you’ll be back to 6 times a day once more.

“Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh

I love the convergence of ideas, how if we just listen or if we expand our awareness to pay attention there is a sort of melding of ideas from seemingly disparate sources. This I’ve learned from studying spirituality and metaphysics over the years, that tenets from Buddhist psychology, Taoism, even Native American beliefs all have much more in common than not.

Breath has been a focus as of late; I received a call from a very enthused and excited friend who just completed an evening with a Native American shaman, espousing the power of nose breathing in an attempt to activate the Vagus nerve. In fact, there are a number of exercises one can do, including immersing the face in cold ice water to the hairline for 30 seconds (although I can imagine it is only long enough for one held breath). Yes, I know it sounds more like a CIA torture technique, but really it is stimulating the Vegus nerve to bring about a state of tranquility and feelings of peace.

Several hours before this call I met with another buddy who turned me onto a book called Mind Body Sports, an Ayurvedic approach to athletics that uses nose breathing as the basis for getting into the Zone in your chosen sport. While it doesn’t go specifically into Vegus nerve stimulation, it does elaborate on how we are born as nose breathers, how it calms the body during peak exertion, and how we become inefficient chest breathers from trauma beginning from an early age.

I invite you to do your own exploring, especially when faced with a particularly stressful work day. Sit quietly and breath through your nose for several minutes and see how you feel. Fairly soon I think you will find your body calming down, and with it, your thoughts.

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

From The Course in Miracles

I am always looking at the ways we hold ourselves back in our erotic lives. It all seems to boil down to one question – what is getting in the way of us having a full expression?

In some ways, the trip down to Temptation Ranch in the Spring did that for me. Here, I could delve into different expressions of eroticism, including throwing my ass in a sling while really enjoying the experience (I mean really letting go……), hiking naked, getting blown on a mountain top and by the pool where a number of men pretended NOT to look, and generally (AND specifically – yes, you Leo) sharing myself with a number of men in a safe environment.

Sure, all manner of germs can get in the way, thoughts of, “oh no, I don’t rim because of………..” or “I just can’t get myself to…..” fill-in-the-blank-here. Yes, there are a lot of scary bugs out there but ya know, we cannot live wrapped in plastic wrap all of our lives, afraid of a little human contact.

Or even thoughts of, “what happens after we fuck so why start” syndrome. Ya know, the “okay, now what” thing you might tell yourself. This last one is really about being able to negotiate and set clear boundaries without care-taking your new FB of the moment AFTER you cum.

There is even something called spiritual bypass, which means that we delve into all manner of spiritual endeavors, Including that much-hated Exodus’ reparation therapy, to NOT look at something vital to our well-being, like good sex with men. This is way more common than you think. What. The. Shit.

So the next time you are feeling horny, look at the impulses you feel, the dance you do around moving forward toward something nourishing and the shadow impulses to NOT do that. And when you are feeling those impulses to hold yourself back, remember the wise words of Bob Newheart.

This is your chance to have some quality M2M time with 60 of your gay brothers out in the woods. My buddy David and I went a few years back – it was the first time they held it, partly as a response to what the Body Electric School was doing there – specifically packing in the time so there was no down time to relax and integrate what they had learned. This is a very different experience, like summer camp for gay dudes only the camp counselors are hotter and there is no mandatory anything. I really resonate with the content, the hanging out (in my case literally), and having time to get to know each other.

There’s still time to reserve a space, bunk rooms for sleep time or if you care to rough it a bit, bring your own tent. Come by and say Hi or for one my special MAN hugs. See and feel you there.

Hey Guys. I’ve been laying low for the past few weeks, dealing side effects from taking Nexium, the drug that helps stop excess acid in the stomach. The doc put me on it about a month ago – that’s when I began feeling slightly off. I couldn’t get enough sleep, even during the daytime, in addition to flu-like symptoms. I thought I was going crazy….The cautionary tale here is to check out all of the symptoms of any drug you take BEFORE you take them. Nuff Said! Yikes!