Whatever attitudes we habitually use toward ourselves, we will use on others, and whatever attitudes we habitually use toward others, we will use on ourselves. The situation is comparable to our serving food to ourselves and to other people from the same bowl. Everyone ends up eating the same thing–we must examine carefully what we are dishing out.

– Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”

I love this quote. It reminds us that what we think about others is a reflection on ourselves AND if we want to change on the inside we have to look at what we are dishing out to others. Try using the word “acceptance” as a mantra (usually a word or phrase used in conjunction with meditation) when working out at the gym or while riding on BART. Just repeat this over and over to your self – and you’ll soon find that there is a concurrent change on the inside as well.

The Man in the Mirror segment on the DVD Opening the Gates was meant to address just this aspect. Men find it difficult to stand in the mirror naked gazing at themselves – the mind wants to go for the critical, the not-quite-right or up-to-par, comparing themselves to others or wishing they had a bigger cock, or a hairy or smooth body, blah, blah, blah, the list goes on. Geez, give yourself a break, eh?

So the next time you feel like dishing the dirt, try focusing on acceptance and see how it feels. And if you can’t get there with yourself, start with others and see what happens.
You might just fall back in love with yourself.

It is precisely because our present life is so inseparably linked with desire that we must make use of desire’s tremendous energy if we wish to transform our life into something transcendental.

– Lama Thubten Yeshe, Introduction to Tantra

My supervisor and I were chatting the other day about transexuals, intersexuals and asexuality, all rich topics for psychotherapy, and while he talked on this last topic I could feel my blood rising and my body harden. Asexuality is defined as: Asexuality is a sexual orientation describing individuals who do not experience sexual attraction or do not have interest in or desire for sex. Sometimes, it is considered a lack of a sexual orientation. One commonly cited study placed the incidence rate of asexuality at 1%.
I find this topic fascinating in that it is totally counter to all that I believe in – there’s a BIG ol part of me that wants to find something wrong with this position. The function of the orgasm is vitally important in our lives, if only seen by the physiological manifestations. Through orgasm, a shitload of oxytocin is released into the bloodstream that some call the attachment hormone.

In addition, oxytocin is released in the pre-cum of men (yuuuuum!) and during Kegel exercises (yes, this is exactly what we do in class). I FIRMLY believe that orgasms, whether with your five-fingered BF or your real live horny as shit BF, are vital to our well-being and our relationships.

Go get em Tiger…….

It’s true what they say about the eyes being the windows to the soul and the face being the mirror, a glimpse into what is happening in our minds and bodies. I’m still reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink, and one passage really struck home for me.

The author recounts an experiment where researchers measured a person’s facial muscles while they experienced emotional states such as sadness, desire, horror and lust – then had actors do the same thing. What surprised the scientists was that physiologically there were no differences between the two groups – the somatic response was identical as if they were really experiencing these emotional states. This illustrates a long held belief that how we hold our face can affect our moods, and that something almost unconscious such as our emotional states can be influenced by the power of awareness.

What pray tell, you may be asking, does this have to do with our erotic bodies??? Few men, if ever, question how they attract another with their face, their eyes. How is this done? Do we scrunch up our eyes, wink, raise and lower our eyebrows several times?? Stare a lot (yikes)? In the 70’s it was common to do just that – often men would have sexual encounters without a word spoken. Guys would cruise each other, conveying interest using the eyes and facial muscles and perhaps a crotch grope or two and SCORE! It is much more common now to chat a man up, perhaps out of necessity safety-wise.

So the next time you are not feeling into your erotic body, try turning yourself on a few times in the mirror and see how you feel. Oh, I just had to include a gratuitous Hugh Jackman shot. What a stud!

I’ve been thinking about getting all piggie these days, most likely due to the summer season, feeling horny, and of course Mr. Happy rearing his head on a regular basis. It would seem a definition is due, especially after being asked by a number of men, “WTF IS Piggie Sex?” The Urban Dictionary defines it as:

#1 A sexual act that is considered outrageous or outside the norms of societal sexual behaviors such as water spots, defecation, bondage, dildo’s, group-sex and bestiality.

I do not know about you guys, but water spots are the least erotic thing I can think of, Thanks Mom, and who is this Norm guy anyway?

#2 “dirty” gay sex – W/S, scat, sweat, etc He is a total bottom and loves pig play.
Now we are getting somewhere……..wait, what? I thought ALL gay sex was dirty?????? Did I have it all wrong??

Seriously guys, I’m imagining it is as much a mind set as it is the acts themselves. What I mean here is that it is as much about abandoning ourselves into the moment and not thinking about getting the sheets dirty or I really don’t rim guys or I prefer morning sex or I don’t blow guys, dude, I only fuck them (subtext: I’m not really gay – gasp).

It’s NOT about being all comfy – it IS more about being messy, and reveling in all of the body scents and sensations, and trying out new things (yes, dear, you CAN stick that there and it feels good).

Aside from the odd dictionary references I’m hoping you guys can experiment with being all piggie, both in class and outside, with letting go of our “shoulds” and “can’ts” and get to the meat of the matter – it’s all good. Thanks Martha! Ex Con or not, we love you.

UPDATE: My buddy Bill reminded me that sheer numbers qualifies as piggie sex – as in “yeah, I screwed 3 guys last night, fuckin A.”