Erotic Triggers – What turns you ON? (reprinted from the SE Newsletter)

Many of us men know by now what turns us on. It may be an image of hairy forearms or pits, or a 5 o’clock shadow, someone sucking on your ears, or even licking your “taint.” Sometimes though we do not acknowledge (admit to ourselves that we enjoy this large dick or that muscled chest) to ourselves or to others.
One way is to make it explicit, to take our erotic desires out of the shadows and into the light, is to write it all down. You may find that just the act of writing down on paper what turns us on can be quite powerful. I can just hear some whining about this exercise; “but David, it feels too contrived” or “it takes all the mystery or spontaneity out of sex.” Au Contrare my little grasshoppers.
This is Part One of the exercise – to make explicit what we really need to get us going, what we crave that gets us hard as a rock or opens us up like a big bowl of jelly. For me, it is a gentle sucking on the ears, a subtle combination of the sound (the ears can be very sensitive and for me very triggering) and the feeling of having that part of my body sucked on.
Every body is different and every man’s list will contain different items. It is useful for us to see the list in front of us. In fact, you can share this list with friends to compare and see if you may have forgotten things. On the list can be positions, like reverse cowboy (my current favorite), toys (including slings – sling are toys too), clothes like jockstraps or harnesses, and anything else that gets you going.
Part Two
Next is the part where we have to get good at communicating what turns us on. It is not about blurting out real quick (because we are embarrassed or ashamed) what we want because this has two parts to it also. We have to be good at asking for what we want AND making it sexy enough that the other man will be compelled to carry it out for us.
I was at a party last week for Dore Alley (yeah, I’m old school and still call it by its old name) and a handsome man tried to have sex with me. He really wanted me to fuck him badly however his asking needed some work. Grabbing my dick may have worked in my teens but it didn’t do much for me at a crowded party. Don’t get me wrong – it felt good. His “shorthand” wasn’t going to get his needs met. What I needed was some eye contact and verbal exchange, making me less an object. He could have said, “I really need to feel your big cock in my ass and I’ll do anything for you Sir,” or “dang you are one handsome fucker – how about we go to the next room and sniff each other?” NOW THAT would have gotten my attention, especially considering the ratio of bottoms to tops in SF!!!!

This takes some skill and practice, I realize. And there may be some awkward bumps n the road however keep it up and you will soon find that you are getting all that you want erotically. And don’t be afraid to negotiate – a NO is not always a no. Sometimes it is a maybe.

Then again, perhaps No may be your erotic trigger……