Erotic Triggers – What turns you ON? (reprinted from the SE Newsletter)

Many of us men know by now what turns us on.  It may be an image of hairy forearms or pits, or a 5 o’clock shadow, someone sucking on your ears, or even licking your “taint.”  Sometimes though we do not acknowledge (admit to ourselves that we enjoy this large dick or that muscled chest) to ourselves or to others.
One way is to make it explicit, to take our erotic desires out of the shadows and into the light, is to write it all down.  You may find that just the act of writing down on paper what turns us on can be quite powerful.   I can just hear some whining about this exercise; “but David, it feels too contrived” or “it takes all the mystery or spontaneity out of sex.”  Au Contrare my little grasshoppers.
This is Part One of the exercise – to make explicit what we really need to get us going, what we crave that gets us hard as a rock or opens us up like a big bowl of jelly.  For me, it is a gentle sucking on the ears, a subtle combination of the sound (the ears can be very sensitive and for me very triggering) and the feeling of having that part of my body sucked on.
Every body is different and every man’s list will contain different items.   It is useful for us to see the list in front of us.  In fact, you can share this list with friends to compare and see if you may have forgotten things.  On the list can be positions, like reverse cowboy (my current favorite), toys (including slings – sling are toys too), clothes like jockstraps or harnesses, and anything else that gets you going.
Part Two
Next is the part where we have to get good at communicating what turns us on.  It is not about blurting out real quick (because we are embarrassed or ashamed) what we want because this has two parts to it also.  We have to be good at asking for what we want AND making it sexy enough that the other man will be compelled to carry it out for us.
I was at a party last week for Dore Alley (yeah, I’m old school and still call it by its old name) and a handsome man tried to have sex with me.  He really wanted me to fuck him badly however his asking needed some work. Grabbing my dick may have worked in my teens but it didn’t do much for me at a crowded party.  Don’t get me wrong – it felt good.  His “shorthand” wasn’t going to get his needs met.  What I needed was some eye contact and verbal exchange, making me less an object.  He could have said, “I really need to feel your big cock in my ass and I’ll do anything for you Sir,” or “dang you are one handsome fucker – how about we go to the next room and sniff each other?”  NOW THAT would have gotten my attention, especially considering the ratio of bottoms to tops in SF!!!!

This takes some skill and practice, I realize.  And there may be some awkward bumps n the road however keep it up and you will soon find that you are getting all that you want erotically.  And don’t be afraid to negotiate – a NO is not always a no.  Sometimes it is a maybe.

Then again, perhaps No may be your erotic trigger……

Baby it’s cold outside

Ah, the Winter months, a time to say “screw it” and stay warm in bed just a little longer, to hunker down and watch all those cheese-tastic movies on TV you’ve been putting off.  Thankfully the Xmas-themed movies are over for another year.  Now we have the always laughable hot steaming mess that is the Republican caucuses for our viewing pleasure, providing us with unending moments of contradictions.  One current movie that, for me, defines the state of politics in this country, especially the Republican Party, is Outrage [2009].  Yes, I must admit, it has that Movie-of-the-week feel to it at times however it remains an indictment of the hypocrisy, even a call to arms for us gay men to look deeper at who exactly is voting for and, more importantly, against important human rights legislation in this country.  Check it out when you can – the subject matter will change your thinking of what you are seeing on the TV.

Realize your Potential

My spies tell me the this is the real deal, and after a few of these rumors I decided to ask Santa for a bottle to try it out, you know, for scientific purposes.  What I noticed is that “the little red pill” didn’t have some of the awful side effects common to other prescription pills on the market like the blue-ish haze in your vision or stuffy nose.   Check out Hotrod 5000 at Mr. S

You won’t feel as if you got stiffed – or hopefully you will.  Of course, the steel cock ring didn’t hurt either.

Whoo Hoo!  Go Piggie!

Go Ahead, Have a Good Long Look

Okay, I’ll admit.  I look.  Sometimes I look a lot.  We all do it (I’m comforted to think).  Sometimes we put ourselves in places where we can look at men’s packages, either clothed, semi-clothed or letting it all hang out, just to have that experience unhindered by disapproving eyes.  Gold’s Gym is a perfect place, especially if you are lucky to workout in SF, where men are more open to the act of viewing and being seen, admired and evaluated.

The first time I can remember the experience of checking men out was in the Boy Scouts, on a camping trip in Upper Michigan at the tender age of 14. This was at a time when male hormones were ramping up in my body; I was so jacked I could not sleep.  My cock seemed to be 10 times bigger than I’d ever seen or felt it before, even though at that time I did not yet know what to do with it. Although we were staying in rustic cabins the toilets were outside, an outhouse really with a long trough for pissing.  An older scout walked in while I stood outside with the door cracked.

He proceeded to pull out a sizable member and let it all go, while I stood transfixed at his size.  That image stayed with me all night as I rubbed myself on my sleeping bag liner.  I swear I only slept a few hours that night….sigh.  There were a few more experiences that long weekend with other scouts – this marked the beginning of my evaluative process, of comparing my equipment to other’s.

Like I wrote above, we ALL do it – we look, we stare, we use sideways glances to see how we measure up as men, what Fritz Perls calls standing at the contact boundary however in this case it is not emotionally but as MEN.  Our cocks are the ultimate male signifiers, instantly marking us as a single gender.  We use it to express our vulnerability, our power and even our rage.  Some might even say that we, as men, are obsessed with our cocks.  And, face it, it is the ultimate toy, one we were born with.

One of the challenges happen when, in the evaluating process, we perceive ourselves as less than.  Just as Tom Spanbauer writes in The Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon, I’ve seen big dicks and little one, skinny ones and fat ones, bare ones and hooded ones.  They are all good.  Every one can be fun given the right stimulation – I’ve never met a cock I didn’t like instantly.  And more importantly, big or little, measuring maleness by our cock size does not make us more of a man, only more of a dick.

My point here is to look, and keep on looking.  Don’t be embarrassed to see how other men are built.  If we lived in a naked society there would be less staring and more acceptance of who we are as men.  So, the next  time you are in a position to check out other men, don’t be shy about it.  Take a good long look, then give the guy a healthy nod.  We need more acceptance in this world, more men feeling good about who they are as men.